Category: Amusements

Peel me a banana

I present to you the following Trivial Pursuit question:
What animal, according to Arabian legend, was created on Noah’s ark when a monkey seduced a lioness?
I am dying to know more about this. Someone please enlighten me.
Incidentally, a Google search for “arabian monkey lioness noah ark” will result in some seriously weird stuff.
(The answer is “the cat”. Who knew?)

At least I’m good for a laugh

Below is the text of a letter I received from one Richard Jackson of the UK:
I have recently been reading a book by a British comedian (Dave Gorman) about Googlewhacking (where you type 2 random words into google and try and get just one hit). After a lot of trying, I came up with “Meringue Disestablishmentarianism” and your site came up! Yours is the first site to work.
And you know what? It’s true.
Our site, nothing if not eclectic.

Great lines

“This isn’t some parallel universe where you’re getting any younger!”
–Inez Wong, to her daughter Amy, Futurama
“A military alliance with Europe is like going on a diet with Michael Moore: one of you will wind up doing most of the work.”
–Glenn Reynolds, Instapundit
“That is one big, beautiful piece of meat.”
–TV chef Ming Tsai, referring, somewhat disappointingly, to a dish of short ribs
“In Parsifal there is a hermit named Gurnemanz who stands on the stage in one spot and practices by the hour, while first one and then another character of the cast endures what he can of it and then retires to die. ”
–Mark Twain, “At The Shrine of St. Wagner”
“Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it! ”
–Conductor Sir Thomas Beecham, to a cellist

Jellybean man

I’m not sure why this particular story, of the mega-multitudes of words written about Reagan’s passing, affected me so, but I’m weird that way.
Jelly Belly Candy Co. Mourns Reagan, Its Biggest Fan
FAIRFIELD, Calif. — Black ribbons are affixed to the large jelly-bean mosaic portraits of Ronald Reagan (search) at the Jelly Belly Candy Co. (search)
The family-owned company that makes the tiny, intense-flavored candies owes a lot to the former president.
Reagan’s love for the candy “made us a worldwide company overnight,” said chairman Herman Rowland.
It all began in 1967, when the San Francisco Bay-area company started supplying Reagan, then serving his first term as California’s governor, with miniature jelly beans to help him quit smoking.
Reagan carried the tradition to the White House, where the company’s jelly beans became a must-have at Cabinet meetings.
The president, whose favorite flavor was licorice, ordered 7,000 pounds of Jelly Bellys for his 1981 inauguration, and Rowland traveled to Washington to help design a special jelly bean jar bearing the presidential seal.

Great lines

“I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men and German to my horse.”
–Charles (Carlo) V, Holy Roman Emperor and King of Spain
Suspect: “You’ve got to be kidding!”
Lennie: “If I were kidding, I’d be wearing a fez and no pants.”
–Lennie Briscoe, Law & Order
“Dear Sir: I am presently seated in the smallest room of my home. In front of me is a copy of your review of my concert last evening. In a moment, it will be behind me.”
–German composer Max Reger, in reponse to a critic
“If I want to escape, any old James Bond novel (not the lousy movies) can provide three times the value, with none of the boring bits about why it’s bad to wander through the Deserts Of Scrofula. And James Bond has sex in his adventures, unlike that twerp Aragormless, who could have been laid about six times during the course of the three movies, but instead comes away with, in total, a kiss from Aerosmith’s vocalist’s daughter, and a hug from that gay-looking elf kid Legless, who was so good-looking, I wanted to fuck him.”
Kim du Toit, reviewing Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lt. Van Buren: “So, you’re telling me that twenty-three people died because of an opera??”
Lennie: “The Germans. What are you going to do?”
–Lennie Briscoe, again

No shit?

This post from Samizdata gets my vote for the all-time funniest blog post. Read it, and don’t miss any of the comments–they’re all brilliant (including one gem from our very own Al Maviva). You’ll be laughing your… um, ass off.
(If you are uncomfortable with scatological-type humor, best to take a pass on this one.)

Okay, I’ll play

Via Emily, let’s play the book game:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

“Julian was faced with the prospect of losing at a stroke well over half his army; he had moreover promised his Gallic detatchments that they would never be sent to the East.”
from A Short History of Byzantium, by John Julius Norwich.