How To Insult Women, Men and Cats.

Here is a column from the otherwise good site Catster about spaying and neutering your pets. This is normally something I am 1000% in favor of, except this article manages to do it in such an infuriating, stupid and condescending way that I was left slack-jawed with the desire to throttle the ghostwriter.

Yes, ghostwriter. See, the article is written from the erstwhile point of view of “Luna the Fashion Kitty”, an over-accessorized Persian whom I  gather is supposed to be sophisticated. There is nothing but cringe after cringe on display, from the juvenile writing to the random and inappropriate PAW and FUR puns distractingly inserted anywhere they can possibly be shoved.

I’ll spare you the introduction and move on to the “Five Reasons To Spay”

1. Keep your kitten figure

Seriously have you seen the post-partum tatas and belly?? Scary! Not to mention your vajayjay … NOTHING will be the same BELIEVE me!

Right, like your cat gives a shit.

2. Avoid diseases

To get spay reduces the risk of certain cancers if you have her spayed before the FURst heat and certainly beFURe she has a litter. Also a lot of un-spayed furchilds get an infection of the uterus, which can be a life-threatening disease!! I say NO thank you!

This is actually a good reason, and you should heed it. Moving on….

3. Live responsibility free

Let’s say you get pregnant, what are you going to do? It’s most likely that the father run away, you are living with your PAWrents, you don’t even have a job! Where are your furkids going to end up? The kill shelter?? FUR God sake be responsible!

Again, a worthy plea for responsibility, phrased a little stupidly and with a bit of finger-wagging moralizing thrown in.

Here is the kicker:

4. Have admirers not baby daddies

With this I mean don’t be slutty! I know girls who have babies from different daddies in the same litter! Come on! Have some self respect FUR God Sake! Seriously you need to be sadomasochist fur want to mate, guys have spines which point backwards in their “peepee”!! The spines rake the walls of your VAJAYJAY … just BARBARIC!

Way to anthopomorphize! Cats don’t know from marriage, or “baby daddies”, and precisely why should they or anyone care if they have kittens by different fathers? But it was nice of you to get in some feline slut-shaming.

And really, VAJAYJAY, and PEEPEE? Grow the fuck up. Writing as a cat is no excuse for this. And hire a damn editor.

Please spay and neuter your pets. End rant.


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