Various Hits

Uh oh! Look out Mr. Black Man! The Eeeeeevillll Republicans is out to git you. Dey be tha party of Jefferson Davis, sho’ nuf.
But at least they aren’t passin’ out crack rocks for votes. Evidently, NAACP stands for the National Association of Activist Crack Passers. [Crack] Rock the vote, muthaf***as!
I feel pretty
Oh so pretty.
Oh so pretty,
And witty,
And GAY!

So let’s have a singalong about Johnny Edwards and his amazing compact, hair brush, and Breck Girl ‘do. [To the tune of Marvelous Merle Hagard’s “Dukes of Hazard Theme Song“.]

Just a good ol’ boy,
Always fussin’ his hair,
Beats all you’ve ever saw, does his hair up like his maw since the day he was
Straight’nin’ the lashes,
Pluckin’ the brow.
Brushin’ his hair out like his sister’s ol’ prize hereford cow.
Makin’ his way,
The only way he knows how,
Just give ’em a spritz of hairspray and the blow dryer now.
Just a good ol’ boy,
Wouldn’t change if he could,
Gel made his hair harder than a big block of wood.

That’s a weird ticket – you got one guy who has to spend his free time with a hair brush, the other guy in an heir’s bush.
Ooh. That was low – but true to my form. Integrity, integrity, integrity, as my mom said to me on her deathbed…
Now for something completely different. Just watching the Yankees/BoSox Game 6 – dammit, I love Ronan Tynan’s “God Bless America.” He captures the song better than anyone. Typical, isn’t it – friggin’ immigrants understand us Yanks better than we do.


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