Bits, Pieces

I’m not recommend anybody commit any violence here, but in a perfect world where we all get what we deserve, Ted Rall would be awakened each morning by a 13th Century Turkish Jannisary, who would then proceed to hit Mr. Rall very hard right in the testicles with an enormous iron pike.
Isn’t that a cracking good start to a blog entry?
I realize that the U.S. is pulling out of Germany, and that already effeminate (yet strangely crude) culture is probably feeling a bit castrated and cut off, now that its big brother isn’t there to snarl at the surly Russkis and sullen French.
But really, isn’t this just a trifle premature? I mean, couldn’t you have at least waited until we were out the door, Mary?
Here’s Insty hammering on Tom Harkin’s wildly exaggerated VietNam era exploits. Hint: He was a highly paid taxi driver. In the last week, I’ve realized that if I want to become a congressman, I need to turn Dem, and then wildly exaggerate my military record, while projecting a pacifist vibe and killing small animals. Of course I’ll risk running against SGT Slaughter in the primaries (who has a similar service record to John Kerry’s, except he beat up on Iranians), but hey, no plan is perfect.
Al Franken who?
Just testing.
So, Bush decides to bring the troops home from Germany and South Korea, and naturally, Kerry has to be stoutly opposed to it. Hmmm… gotta wonder why.

My thought is that both countries are getting what they have been asking for since the hated Nukular Bushwa took office, and exactly what they asked for when the hated Bush the Elder, and the Reaganoid were in office. With respect to Bush 43, the elites in both countries hate him with a passion ordinarily reserved for Hitler, pederast murderers, and those who smoke in Montgomery County Maryland restaurants or in front of children. The people of both countries consistently (and Montgomery County, for that matter) poll 50:50 at best about American presence, and generally run 60:40 against, or stronger. Clearly, we aren’t wanted, and we are perceived as an imperialist colonialist racist yadda yadda yadda power. That’s actually the District of Columbia’s line about the Fed Gov, but again, I digress.
So, I’m fine with it if we leave Korea, or Germany, and I suspect the Germans and South Koreans are fine with it too, at least they are until the stunning cost of providing for their own self-defense, both in treasure and blood, sinks in.
Either way, it will force both nations to stand on their own for a change, and shoulder the burden for their own defense.
Let’s face it, after the last three years of the Kerrycrats and Deaniacs screaming that we shouldn’t be pushing the rest of the world around, I’m starting to come around to their viewpoint. We should do our part in the war on terror, saber-rattling at the ChiComs, whatever. It’s basically a law enforcement problem, right Mr. Kerry? So we’ll send lawyers, put 100,000 new beat cops on the street, declare a peace march on terror, send Johnny Edwards to file a plaintiff’s suit for the Enemy Prisoners of War held at Gitmo (gotta protect freedom, you know; this war is about protecting the right to dissent, etc). Yep, Mr. Kerry will do whatever it takes, even if it means that he will once again have to go patrol the Washington, D.C. / Cambodia border. Because Washington is on the Cambodian border the same way the Mekong Delta is, because if you go far enough past either, eventually you find yourself in Cambodia. But there I go again. Point is, Kerry will do anything to kick Bush’s, er, Osama’s ass. Hell, let’s send a double compliment of lawyers to Afghanistan with two secretaries and two paralegals each, no matter how heavily they churn the bills. But no more soldiers, no more war, etc.
I don’t think the infantile left in either country understands a basic fact of life my daddy pointed out the day I left home, “you walk out that door, you are on your own. I’ll still love you, I’ll still be your father, but it will be on you from that day on.” The massive street demonstrations, the Bush=Hitler stuff, the use of Bush in particular and America generally by Gerhard Schroeder as an outlet valve for domestic ennui – it’s all over. Ever take a swing at your old man? I did. There was hell to pay afterward. And Gerhard and the South Korean appeasers have been taking plenty of swings at Uncle Sam over the last couple years.
So let’s apply a little of that old man wisdom, and see how the Koreans and Germans feel about making their own car payments, buying their own food, and washing their own socks. The mass of Germans – many of whom I number among my dear friends – can choke on it for all I care. I guess they will now have a chance to take their smug certainties of the age out for a test drive. he South Koreans – for whom my father sacrificed three years of his life and his health, who have demonstrated most violently against all things American, save our clothes, hamburgers and music – can choke on it too. The time has come to see how well their appeasement of the Hermit Kingdom, the billions of dollars of payoffs that keep the North afloat, have worked to buy peace and goodwill. Sorry chaps, we aren’t playing world’s cop so you can play world’s social worker and the world’s angry teenager. It’s your turn to grow up and be the daddy, and pay the bills.
We Americans have borne the greatest part of the burden for far too long. We are now under attack and will be, probably for some decades, and with the exception of token forces assigned to low risk missions, neither of these nations gives a flying fuck at a rolling donut for helping us with solving the real root causes of our terrorist enemies. Here’s a hint – the root cause ain’t our involvement in other countries, like Germany and South Korea, or even our selling arms to Israel. But since they aren’t clever enough to reason inductively, we’ll pull our troops out of Saudi and your countries, and they can take a crack at deductive reasoning and try and figure out what the root cause is.
If they want to be secure, it’s their turn to deplete their treasuries, sacrifice blood, and suffer the wounds of vicious political infighting, as we have done since WWII. World War IV is afoot, and if they want to play Poland or Belgium, I’m all for it. That’s what self-determination and democracy are about: being just as catastrophically stupid as you want to be. But assuming they want to play dumb, I don’t want the U.S. to be in the position of playing sacrificial British Expeditionary Force as the Islamist cultural and terrorist blitzkrieg rolls on.
If you don’t read ESPN’s “The Sports Guy” you should turn in your Dude Card right now. This column pretty much tells you why you should be reading him. Some highlights of the long rambling conversation linked to above:

I’m with you on the decline of American civilization. Last Tuesday, I was standing in line at Starbucks. The person in front of me was talking on a cellphone, as was the person behind me, and they were both shooting each other nasty looks because they thought the other person was talking too loud. Meanwhile, I was getting angry because the person at the front of the line was paying for a $3.75 venti soy latte with a credit card and holding everyone up, and it made me even angrier that I knew what a “venti soy latte” even was, or why it cost the extra 40 cents. I’m not sure what’s happening. Our society is turning into a Charlie Kaufman script.
As for the “women’s” (and I use that word loosely) gymnastics on Sunday night … I mean, what would possess someone to direct his or her daughter toward the seedy world of competitive gymnastics? Would you ever send your kid to the Karolyi Ranch? After the ongoing Michael Jackson fiasco, isn’t it every parent’s duty to avoid sending their kids to a place that features someone’s last name with the word “Ranch”?
Of course, this is the same guy who (just last week) spent 10 minutes debating over the following question:
Q: “If you were single and completely unattached, would you rather have consecutive Super Bowl titles for the Pittsburgh Steelers (his favorite team), or one night with Josie Maran?”
A. “Well, both choices would keep me warm long after the annual event.”
I thought that was a classic response — certainly the most clever thing he has said in the 20 months that I’ve known him (other than the time he wondered how Dalton earned “best cooler in the South” status in Road House, and how they even kept track of such a thing). Eventually Sheck voted for the consecutive Steeler Super Bowls. And I couldn’t blame him. I’m the same guy who counts the Pats-Rams Super Bowl as one of the five greatest moments of my life.
I’m constantly living in fear here in Los Angeles. Everyone talks about Compton; but for my money, there’s a much more terrifying area in L.A.: the Scientology compound in Los Feliz, right near where my friend Nick lives. It’s eerie, crazy-quiet there, and randoms are walking around the compound checking everyone out and providing pseudo-security, giving off a vibe reminiscent of when Kelly Taylor was abducted by Professor Finley’s cult in “90210.” I can’t even explain how creepy this place is, especially at night. Every time I went there, I kept waiting for Nick to act quiet for a few minutes, then open his mouth, point at me and emit that screeching sound like Donald Sutherland at the end of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” I never visit him anymore. He has to come see me.

Go read the rest of it.



  1. Alan K. Henderson

    Hmmm…Poland and the Czech Republic border Germany to the east. Poland and the Czech Republic like the US better than Germany.
    I think I see the problem with the troop deployment.

  2. Major Sean Bannion

    During my entire tour in Korea I never did figure out why South Korea has a 600,000 man army…but 37,000 U.S. soldiers were the difference between victory and defeat.
    Spare me the geo-political “nuances” about supporting our friends. Time for Korea, and Germany too for that matter, to stand up on their own and defend themselves.

  3. Ted Rall Is Full Of Crap

    Everyone vs. Rall

    The hits just keep coming… From Cold Fury: I’m not recommend anybody commit any violence here, but in a perfect world where we all get what we deserve, Ted Rall would be awakened each morning by a 13th Century Turkish…