Fahrenheit 9/11

You know, I’ve come over to Michael Moore’s way of thinking, at least for five minutes or so. I’ve concluded:
1. Bush orchestrated the 9/11 attacks to get us into a war with Afghanistan to profit Halliburton when it built the big natural gas pipeline for UnoCal.
– Of course the fact that UnoCal dropped out of the pipeline bidding in 1998, and some European company (the Chirac family’s Total Fina Elf?) seemed to have won the bid at the time of the attack is irrelevant. I’ll believe these facts because they match up with my view of Bush, as a special-ed version of Satan.
2. Bush unjustly attacked Afghanistan. What’d they ever do to us? I think he did it just to kill innocent civilians.


3. The poor and minorities bear the brunt of this war. The overwhelmingly white special forces units and the pictures of the casualties (a seemingly representative mix) of Americans is irrelevant, as is my own experience in the largely middle-class military.) I’m sure that Bushwa is understating the number of casualties, and probably having pictures of minority casualties airbrushed so that they look white.
4. The whole war is about Prescott Bush helping the Nazis. Or Dick Cheney benefitting the irredentist Freemasons. Or Condoleeza Rice attempting to revive the Knights Templar. Or (fill in whacked-out conspiracy theory right here.) And by God, if you tell me different, it proves you are a rabid right wing shill for the Republican Party, you cheap whore.
5. The war on Iraq was thoroughly unnecessary. Everybody knew Iraq had no WMDs (except for Bill Clinton, Al Gore, the UN, our NATO allies, Mossad, and Iran. But what do they know?). Moreover, Iraq never posed a threat to anybody. (Except Iran, Kuwait, the Kurds, Iraqis, Bush 41, and according to Putin, Saddam planned a bunch of terrorist attacks in the U.S., to kill lots of U.S. citizens. But that’s irrelevant. Don’t look behind the curtain, no, no, not behind the curtain…)
6. Brown people aren’t capable of democracy, and who cares if they were getting fed into industrial strength plastic shredders.
7. Bush hates Brown people because he’s a stupid racist. (Please ignore the 98th percentile SAT score and his unprecedented efforts to bring freedom to brown people, and stop the aids epidemic in Africa among black people. I assure you, it’s a ruse. He’s an evil genius, really.)
8. The security levels promulgated by Homeland Security are a fraud, set up to scare you and get you to vote Bush. The government hasn’t caught any terrorists, except poor li’l Johnny Walker Lindh. (Please ignore the 170 convictions the government has won against terrorists thus far, since 9/11. Those are inconvenient facts, so they must surely be untrue.)
9. I’m the bravest man alive for speaking truth to power here. John Ashcroft has outlawed dissent in America. In fact, I’m shocked that the SS squads from FEMA aren’t here arresting me right now. Oh wait a minute, there’s a banging on my front door. I’m sure it’s asscraft himself come to arrest me. Either that, or the pizza guy.
10. I’m not really hungry, but are you gonna eat that slice? Could I have it?
11. Capitalism sucks. It’s the most corrupt, evil, oppressive system ever. It’s rotten and needs to be jettisoned. I’m a friend of the common man, and I hate wealthy rich rotten rat bastards. Money corrupts. Rich people are dogshit. Now can you pay me a lot of money for having written that? No, really. I want $10 million for having written that. It’s in the contract.
See? It’s easy to think like Mike Moore. All you have to do is throw logic in the bin, accuse anyone who disagrees with you of complicity in unspeakable evil, and spout populist slogans as you rake in the dough and become a bloated, swinish plutocrat yourself. Nothin’ to it, really.
Nothin’ to it.

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10 comments

  1. Alan K. Henderson

    The other night I heard Michael Medved bring up an interesting point. Moore makes a big do about Bush’s Saudi connections motivating his “warmongering.” But the Saudis opposed the Iraq war. Try again, Moore.

  2. CurrencyLad

    The whole war is about:
    Or (fill in whacked-out conspiracy theory right here: “because John Ashcroft wanted ‘When the Eagle Soars’ to be the anthem of a recently invaded and trampled country that would take it on as a national anthem”).
    Well, he did sing it an awful lot.

  3. William

    Doesn’t Moore assert that George Bush is in cahoots with both the Saudi royal family *and* Bin Laden?
    That’s a pretty good trick, if one can pull it off.

  4. PW

    Doesn’t Moore assert that George Bush is in cahoots with both the Saudi royal family *and* Bin Laden?
    Yup, and that’s all in a day’s work for the stupid evil genius Bush. Quite amazing, isn’t it.

  5. Scott

    What I find terribly sad is the tacit and in some cases unequivocal support for this film from the Democratic establishment. Where are the leaders who will denounce this film as unrepresentative of their party?

  6. Al Maviva

    I’m not sure what to maake of DNC Chief Terry MacAuliffe’s public adherence to the factual allegations of Moore’s film.
    On the one hand, it could be an indicator that roughly one half of the United States, politically speaking, is, in the words of the great Chevy Chase in National Lampoon’s Vacation, “completely fucked in the head.”
    On the other hand, the fact that one half of the country is adhering to leaders who believe Moore, or at least state they do, could mean that the whole country is completely fucked. After all, it’s pretty hard to keep living if the left half of your body decides to commit suicide.
    Hmmm… that’s worthy of more though.

  7. vm

    hmm, some of you must have seen another movie than I (or possibly didn’t see it at all). Moore has basically taken a page out of the Fox playbook and served it up fresh. His viewpoint is the other side of the coin.
    Whats wrong with pointing out long standing business relations w/ the house of Saud. I’m sure US support for the wahabi run country has a something to do with it but Clinton played the same game too (and Reagan).
    I am just happy were all doing our part in order to maintain our life style and position in the world…

  8. Sam

    As well as logic, Leftists like Moore & Co. can throw their intellectual honesty into the wastebin too. This enables them to ignore things like Iraqi bio-chem weapons stockpiles, Saddam’s torture chambers, and his past history of gassing Iranians and his own people as well as invading Kuwait so nothing will get in the way of their true goal of hating all things that smell of Bush or Republicanism.
    I also like the way Michael Moore badmouths the very media he’s getting to promote his movie for him. Luckily, it seems even a few liberal journalists are taking Moore to task for his propaganda crapfest he calls “Fahrenheit 9-11”.
    And I hope sci-fi fans, as well as Ray Bradbury, burn Michael Moore in effergy for his stupid take-off on a classic fiction work.

  9. vm

    It’s interesting that no matter if your on the “left” or “right” folks will cherry pick what is convenient to uphold their beliefs or aguments.
    The left will ignore the bio chem and weapon stockpiles while the right will ignore our support for Sadam in previous administrations.
    The list that could be compiled is endless. Both sides are being duped and are perpetuating lies and half truths.
    The agility that moore shows in “bad mouthing’ the media is hilarious… He’s very much like abbie hoffman or lenny bruce before him.
    God these are fun times to live in.
    sam writes
    “As well as logic, Leftists like Moore & Co. can throw their intellectual honesty into the wastebin too. This enables them to ignore things like Iraqi bio-chem weapons stockpiles, Saddam’s torture chambers, and his past history of gassing Iranians and his own people as well as invading Kuwait so nothing will get in the way of their true goal of hating all things that smell of Bush or Republicanism.”

  10. Al Maviva

    Yeah, right on VM. A pox on both their houses. They’re both Republicrats.
    Go Nader!