Great lines

“I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men and German to my horse.”
–Charles (Carlo) V, Holy Roman Emperor and King of Spain
Suspect: “You’ve got to be kidding!”
Lennie: “If I were kidding, I’d be wearing a fez and no pants.”
–Lennie Briscoe, Law & Order
“Dear Sir: I am presently seated in the smallest room of my home. In front of me is a copy of your review of my concert last evening. In a moment, it will be behind me.”
–German composer Max Reger, in reponse to a critic
“If I want to escape, any old James Bond novel (not the lousy movies) can provide three times the value, with none of the boring bits about why it’s bad to wander through the Deserts Of Scrofula. And James Bond has sex in his adventures, unlike that twerp Aragormless, who could have been laid about six times during the course of the three movies, but instead comes away with, in total, a kiss from Aerosmith’s vocalist’s daughter, and a hug from that gay-looking elf kid Legless, who was so good-looking, I wanted to fuck him.”
Kim du Toit, reviewing Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lt. Van Buren: “So, you’re telling me that twenty-three people died because of an opera??”
Lennie: “The Germans. What are you going to do?”
–Lennie Briscoe, again



  1. roy edroso

    I heard this years ago attributed to Philip II, as “Latin is the language for talking to God, French is the language of love, English is the language for business transactions, and German is the language for talking to animals.”
    Now I have to chase down the source. It is, alas, too good not to check.

  2. Dave J

    The original quote is overwhelmingly attributed to Charles V, but it’s certainly possible his son may have spun a variation on it, and Philip was certainly too pious to have ever spoken to God in any language other than Latin: he would have said that only heretics (i.e., Protestants) did that sort of thing.