Reason 1,437 Why I Won’t Have Plastic Surgery

Because you can die. As in, cease to live. As in, become an ex-person. That’s it, fini, hope you had a good run, too bad that elective surgery didn’t work out, have a nice afterlife, see ya!
I firmly believe in plastic surgery as an important means to give the disfigured back their lives, but I also think that sometimes we forget that this is SURGERY, and that the human body isn’t really designed to be flayed, punctured, deflated, lifted and tucked as a matter of course.
‘Cause, you know, that whole DYING thing is sort of a bummer. I don’t care if death by plastic surgery is statistically insignifigant, the fact is you can avoid it by NOT HAVING VANITY WORK DONE.
Of course, we’re free to choose. But me, my golden years will be spent heading to Victoria’s Secret for girdles and push-up bras and then to the drugstore for nightcream. Unless I skew the statistics by getting hit by a bus on the way, the mortality rate for Cetaphil use currently stands at zero.


One comment

  1. Michael Jennings

    The thought of performing intrusive surgery on a perfectly healthy person strikes me as deeply disturbing, actually, because it is both dangerous and extremely painful. And doing it to someone who is perfectly healthy strikes me as deeply bizarre.
    On the other hand, if it becomes possible for people to change their appearance to what they want without the pain and the risk, I think this would be an actively good thing. I have nothing against the ends, but this particular means gives me the willies.