Control of the Remote Control

Every night across Australia and indeed most likely across the entire Western World, a silent battle rages on between those that have power and those that have not.
This is not power over the military, the power to write legislation or even the power to enforce it.
It is the control of the television remote. The ability to hold supreme command of the plastic covered infra red device that governs the switching from Doctor Who to the News to the Simpsons or to what ever crap they are playing on SBS.
The control of the remote is also a useful barometer to examine the pecking order that exists inside every household.
For example, in most households it is common that the Father (traditional head of the family) has the remote control, usually to the anguish of the younger members of the family who will typically retire to their rooms rather than sit through another episode of the 7:30 report.
In other situations however the real relationship between couples can be gauged, depending on how they share the control of the remote control.
Lets take the example of an unmarried couple with no kids. After they have finished dinner, they will most likely depart to the lounge room to watch some TV. That is if they were not already sitting on the lounge while eating their dinner.

Usually the person with the most power in the relationship will be the first to pick up the remote and start flicking around. If this is the women (i.e. the guy is seriously pussy whipped) then any thoughts of watching the Australia v India Day/Night match are dashed and the poor guy will have to console himself with highlights from the morning news.
If it is the guy who picks up the “wand of power” then the poor girlfriend better like cricket or have a good book to read ’cause that game is going on until midnight.
Another interesting point to notice when a guy picks up the remote is how he holds it. This is also especially so when he is watching the cricket.
Generally the best seating position for watching cricket on TV is to be slouching back as far as possible with the more lounge real estate taken up the better. This also makes it a lot harder for anyone to depose you from your lofty position of President of the Remote Control and risk missing the 10 seconds of action that sometimes happens during a 5 day cricket match. While positioned for comfort and for the long haul like this, the guy will have his hand gripped around the remote, which will be sitting in his lap.
If you look closely you may find that the way in which the hand is wrapped around the remote and the location it is in, reminds of you of another pastime guys partake of by themselves.
Well at least so I have been told.



  1. Dave J

    My remote stopped working last week and I was simply distraught. I changed the batteries but, no, it still didn’t work. Oh, the anguish, the horror, the humanity! I had to actually get up off my ass to press the buttons on the cable box to change the channels…it was traumatizing humiliation of the first order, I can tell you.
    Thankfully, I have a new remote now, and all is right in the world again.

  2. Matt Clarke

    Yes when the remote dies/is lost, suddenly the channel the TV is stuck on does not seem that bad.
    Well at least possibly not bad enough to actually get up and walk the 3m to the TV.