Just desserts

STATE: Uh, Mr. President, we were wondering if we might have an opportunity to discuss with you your plan for awarding Iraqi reconstruction contracts? You see, we’re concerned that your omission of Russia, France, and Germany from the list will lead to additional…
GWB: Sorry, which State is it you say you represent?
STATE: We’re your State Dept., sir.
GWB: Just checking. Please continue.

STATE: As I was saying, we’re concerned that France, Germany, and Russia might use this as an excuse to resist future overtures and that we could lose their support…
GWB: Support? What support?
STATE: Future endeavors, sir. Say, for example, the forgiveness of debt incurred…
GWB: By Saddam? Next question.
STATE: Even still, Mr. President, we feel it’s important to convey to the international community that we are even-handed in how we award contracts. Showing favoritism toward…
GWB: The countries who’ve contributed to Iraq’s liberation? Those who’ve sent soldiers to bleed and die alongside our own soldiers in Iraq? Couldn’t agree more. What does this have to do with France, again?
STATE: Sir, France has been a strong ally of ours since…
GWB: How’s that aircraft carrier of theirs coming along, now? Has it made it out of drydock, yet?
STATE: I’m not sure I understand your…
GWB: Let me stop you right there, son. France, Germany, and Russia were given every opportunity to get involved in this effort before – they balked. Now that we’ve gone and liberated that country, with absolutely no help coming from them, these sonsabitches want a piece of the action.
STATE: Yes, but sir, the opportunity to engage them on this issue may change…
GWB: If it was change they were after, they would have gone along with us in the first place. They liked things the way they were. Lucrative side deals with Hussein, inflated contracts for building Baathist infrastructure – they’re pissed that it’s all come to an end. Why should we allow them to profit from an exercise that they all chose not to sacrifice, individually, for?
STATE: Perhaps I haven’t explained our position correctly, sir. What I meant to convey, Mr. President, was that the omission of these states from the RFP process may cause future negotiations regarding their participation to be imperiled. We’re concerned we’re sending the wrong message.
GWB: How ’bout we let them bid for the contracts, but screw ’em over in favor of the Aussies when it comes time to award them. HE-HE! I like that, actually. Someone get me John Howard on the phone. He’d get a kick out of that one, I think.
STATE: Uh, sir, I’m not sure that’d be such a good idea. I think our European friends might see through that one.
GWB: You don’t know Sergio like I do, son. Sure, Tony’s likely to lose a few follicles over it, but then, he already has such a nice head of hair. I’ll send him over a side of Texas beef to smooth things over.
STATE: I meant our other friends, sir.
GWB: Poland? Spain? Czech? Contracts comin’ up!
STATE: But, sir, the way you’re presenting this whole deal, well…I think that the French, Russians, and Germans are going to take it personally. You know, just because they opposed the use of force to remove…
GWB: You’re saying that France, Germany, and Russia will look at this as revenge for not taking up arms alongside us?
STATE: Yes, sir.
GWB: They’re not as dumb as I thought.
STATE: Sir, I…well, I’m not quite sure how I should handle this…
GWB: Tell ’em payback’s a bitch, son. I’ll leave it up to you whether or not to give them the finger.
(Cross-posted at Velvet Hammers)



  1. Yibin

    Good One, I dun know why they are complaining when they even baulk at contributing troops and money for the reconstruction of Iraq in the 1st place, not to say anything about supporting the invasion.

  2. Nick

    I said much the same things in recent debates.
    Alas, I didn’t do it with the proper Texas dialect.