The Single Guy


To state the obvious, the feminist revolution was about enabling women to choose for themselves what role they wanted to play in society. To state the less obvious, it enabled men to do the same. When we look at the way we used to organise ourselves, it’s common to focus on the subjugation of women into domestic roles. It’s less common to acknowledge that men were subject to their own restrictions. If we’d been living in the 50s, my girlfriend would probably have had a few babies by now, and she’d have been stuck at home looking after them instead of pursuing her own music career. I, on the other hand, would be stuck in some 9 to 5 job in order to support not only the children but her as well, and I wouldn’t have had the option of either my financially underwhelming career as a jazz musician or my recent reinvention as a law student. (Unless I’d stayed single, that is, but I would have been subject to a lot of pressure to settle down).

I must admit that is a good post which struck a chord. Its not political, it is cultural. My dad was an old leftist that was stuck in the old fashioned Married with Children life, and he hated it.
I’m drifting around not really doing a lot with my life- I can’t find direction. But I don’t want direction forced upon me by the expectations of society; for me, a wife and kids would be eternal misery.
I really like being free to be myself, and I’m willing to acknowlege feminists deserve credit for this. Indeed, you could argue that men like me are the biggest winners of all out of the feminist revolution.



  1. Mithras

    Great point. Think of all the opportunities dads now have to really be dads, and to spend time with and show their love for their kids, rather than just be the disciplinarian and breadwinner.
    I guess this is just another way of saying that feminism, on some level, promotes liberty and liberty is a win-win proposition.

  2. nancy reyes

    Ah, yes. Men have been allowed by the sexual revolution and feminism to do what they want to do: Remain 18 year olds who are free to (to use Michael Kelly’s phrase) sit around and discuss beer and pussy.
    But this assumes that happiness is having fun, and that the goal of life is to do your own thing.
    No working at a job you hate. No putting up with a grumpy spouse (better a one night stand).
    And Mithris is wrong about how dads have more time now to be dads: Over half our kids don’t have dads at all while growing up. And the “freedom” to play with our kids is the result of dad not having to work two jobs because mom now works full time instead. The net result is taking mom away from the important job of nurturing children eight hours a day so dad can play with kids eight hours a week.
    Too many men love the fact they now have the freedom to desert their pregnant girlfriend– or insist she chose to abort their child– because freedom to do one’s own thing is considered the goal of life.
    But who will take care of you when you get old? Who will bother to take out the garbage if everyone does only pleasent work? And when you die, will anyone mourn at your funeral?
    Cheeful irresponsibility is something that will not survive times of trouble or defeat; it only exists now because we are rich enough to despise our ties to others and rely on the government in times of need.
    Alas, but I have seen many men like you. Thirty eight year old bodies with 13 year old minds.
    But I’ve been thru two wars, and worry how long a society that sees irresponsibility and fun as the highest goal. Do you really think that things will stay like this forever, or that the golden days of fun are the norm in human history? Or do you just keep a cyanide pill on hand, just in case, rather than face a future that just might hold disarray or suffering?
    But REAL men take responsibility, care for those around them, and keep society going. To quote Peggy Noonan on the firemen of 911: ” (they) were rough repositories of grace. They were goodness that comes out when society is cracked open. They were responsible…They did their job under heavy fire, stood their ground, claimed new ground, (and) moved forwrd…they gave us a moment in history that has left us speechless in gratitude and amazement…(that) we still make men like that,..then that must be who we are.”
    “Just the disciplinarian and breadwinner”? Give me a break. No. They were men who were responsible enough to support financially those who depended upon them, and to take seriously the duty to mold the children into being good, responsible people. They were fathers, not the playful dads you seem to wish to emulate.

  3. Gary

    When people talk of going back to University or join the work force, the first response is good for them until you realize that you have to work a little harder to subsidize there University and child care. A person that tries not to be dependent on others as much as possible and takes responsibility for themselves are free not the parasite that feeds of others. And Nancy is correct that not all old stile peer presser was bad. And there is a lot of adults that think like 13 year olds wanting the freedom to go to the movies so long as there parents pay.

  4. Mithras

    But I’ve been thru two wars, and worry how long a society that sees irresponsibility and fun as the highest goal. Do you really think that things will stay like this forever, or that the golden days of fun are the norm in human history?
    Man, and they say us liberals are humorless.
    Did you have a bad divorce or two, Nancy?

  5. James Russell

    Nancy, dear, with all due respect, fuck you and fuck the moral high horse you rode in on. If being a responsible adult means being a boring pleasureless drone like you appear to be, then you’re welcome to it.