Looking after kids can be a very trying time. This is especially true when it is someone else’s kids you are looking after. As the saying goes “Kids are like farts. Yours are bearable but being around someone else’s is a little too much to handle.”
Looking after your own kids however, allows you to be slightly less vigilant of their activities. A lot of the time these activities will involve them falling off something, running into something, their brother hitting them with something or just generally making some sort of loud “THUMP!” which is then followed by crying.
The “THUMP!” and the crying are very similar to thunder and lightning. With thunder and lightning, you can tell how far away it is by counting the seconds after you see the lightening bolt to when you hear the thunder.
For example sitting on the front porch watching the storm with interest, you see a bright flash and start counting one, two, three, four, five boom. OK it’s five kilometres away. Flash one, two, three Boom. OK it’s getting closer but it’s still three kms away. Flash one Boom! OK it’s only one km away. Better go inside. Then FLASH BOOM, bye bye neighbours cat.
A very similar method can be used when you hear a loud thump coming from where the kids are playing. Counting the number of seconds in between the thump and the crying will tell you how bad an injury they have sustained. Unlike counting in a thunder storm however, the least number of seconds in between the better.
For example, “THUMP!” one “waaaaaaaahhhhh!” This means no probs. You wouldn’t even need to get up off your chair. Just call out for them to come out to the lounge room for a kiss better.
“THUMP!” one, two “waaaaaahhh!” This is a little more serious. You better get one of the other children to give you a report on what happened then call them down to the lounge room for a kiss better.
“THUMP!” one, two, three “waaahhhhh!” Better put your beer down and go for a walk down to their room. They’ll have a bruise after this one.
“THUMP!” one, two, three, four “waaaahh!” Ok this one will probably draw blood. Better get moving down there in case it is going to stain the carpet. Don’t spill your beer though.
“THUMP!” one, two, three, four five “waahhhhh!” Anything after five seconds means something broken or at the very least they have done enough damage that you will need to have a good story for when your Day Care Centre calls the Dept of Community Services.