Ranting at Rall

This is a response to Mike Hendrix at Cold Fury. Mike runs a good blog that I read daily, and today he takes the time to Fisk this recent Ted Rall article.
Mike’s piece was good – a point-by-point debunking of Rall’s steaming pile of stupidity.
But Rall is such a good soldier for the forces of left wing defeatism, Bushatred, and general marxist buffoonery, that he deserves more than that. So send the kiddies out of the room – I’m ’bout to have a rant here.

I try to be intelligent, and reasonable, and so forth. But when it comes to Rall…
I can’t even bring myself to Fisk his articles. His work doesn’t merit the point by point refutation. But his body of work, all the effort he has put forth to see to it that the worst of bad ideas become our governing principles – I can’t get past it. Taken in its totality, it means that Rall himself merits a good Fisking.
Rall is so persistently wrong, that should he ever be right about anything, the Earth itself would tumble off its axis and spin into space, such would be the disruption to the Order of Things.
I’d say that he is a left wing fuckwit, but I think left wing fuckwits actually believe in something, at least to the extent their little deluded brains are capable of it.
No, Rall is something worsen than a fuckwit. He’s a nihilist. He lives at that far left wing of the far left wing, where it morphs into marxist-tainted lunacy. He’s a feces flinging monkey, but for the fact that calling him a monkey would be a slur on primates.
I don’t think he suffers from an excess of reason, though he is certainly afflicted with an excess of left wing beliefs.
He doesn’t come to his left wing beliefs from some honest difference with everyone else – that would require an admission that anyone else’s beliefs just might have some validity.
No, Rall gets to his positions by simple reflexive kneejerk reaction, much the way a flatworm reacts to a pinprick. He’s a saint to himself, while everybody else — including the people who are insufficiently zealous in their leftism — are pure evil shit. He’s a bit like Alexander Cockburn, without the fancy accent, and without the taint of Commie Dictator Hugging that older leftists of Cockburn’s generation suffer from. That means Rall is going to be around for a long time, and he’s going to be telling us all how wrong and stupid and evil we all are for a long, long time. He’s not going to get farmed out to the far-left ghetto with the folks at The Nation and The New Statesman.
You don’t get into a rhetorical posture like Rall’s with honest reasoning and careful intellectual exploration. You get there by having a tyrannical mindset, and then discovering some philosophy. Had Rall not discovered leftism, he might have been a nazi. If he was a free marketer, he’d be Babbit. But he’s neither; he’s a leftist. By his lights, if it’s far left it’s good; anything else is bad. Hit his mom over the head with a brick, call it “progressive” and chalk it up to the rage of the proletariat, and he’d support it.
He also suffers from a horrendous backup of bile and acid. I remember a little while back the stink he got into on some cartoonist message board. He was talking smack about all the girls he screwed on some college tour or another, and he was making fun of them, too. And then he sued some other cartoonist for talking smack about it. Now there’s a class act for you… I can’t think of any reason to badmouth a bunch of silly college girls dumb enough to sleep with the likes of Ted Rall, except for an excess of pure, raw venom. Frankly, somebody with a black little soul like Rall ought to be grateful anybody would be caught in the same room with him, much less drop drawers for him. And I can’t imagine what kind of a venal, low, pussy-fied prick sues a colleague as the result of a little shit talking.
Yep, he’s a prince.
He’s also apparently syndicated, and raking in some coin, so the capitalism and free speech gig is working out pretty well — even if the rest of us are pure, unmitigated bastards for engaging in either.
On the other side of the coin, not everything about Rall is a bad thing. He makes me believe in justice. Capital “J” justice, the eternal reward kind. The man is a propagandist for every bad, havoc-wreaking, misguided cause in the world. Sure, ANSWER and the other lefty groups he shills for are no National Socialist Party, but by God, if they ever got the reins of power, they would do a passable impression.
If you believe in a just existence, that there is justice in the world, or thereafter, then you have to believe that he will get his comeuppance.
Sure, there’s karma. He could come back to life as one of those pigs in India that lives underneath a village outhouse, eating the villagers’ dung. But I’m not Hindoo, so I don’t believe in that. After all, for a pig, eating human crap probably isn’t that bad of a fate. Hell, for all I know, turds taste like Buffalo Wings to pigs, so that wouldn’t do. Nope. I believe in a Just God, an Angry God, a Vengeful God, who will ask Mr. Rall one question:
“Why the fuck did you bend your God-given talents to lend vicious support to the wrong side of every frigging important issue for your whole miserable fucking life you asswit?”
And with that, Rall’s stunned silence and a wave of a divine index finger, Rall will be banished to eternal damnation, whereupon a legion of hell imps, demons, and other debased and lesser minions of evil will spend time immemorial poking Rall in the ass with red hot pitchforks.
After all, people forget that the first siin, the really big one that got the bad angels kicked out of Heaven, was the sin of pride, of arrogance, of the certainty that one person had that he alone was right, and all others were wrong, stupid and misguided. For that sin, Lucifer earned damnation, and the thankless job of handing out showbills in front of a the dismal theater of Hell. Ted Rall deserves no less.
That’s my dream, anyhow.
It’s entirely possible that the whole Christian schema I believe in doesn’t exist. In which case, Rall will be simply dead and rotting after the Reaper makes his visit. And that may have to be good enough.



  1. Tom Chisholm

    As the pshrinks would say, the boy has issues.
    My knowledge of pop-psych tells me he writes or draws this stuff as an attack on all authority and responsibility in the world, as a displaced attack on some prior authority. I don’t believe he really cares whether what he says is true or justifiable to a casual observer. It doesn’t matter; people hire him for the same reason they hired geeks at the circus, to get people to pay to see someone biting the heads off chickens, eating their own defecation or otherwise degrading themselves. And enough people do pay, motivated by the same instinct that causes us to stare at traffic accidents. Such is the way of mass media.

  2. Al Maviva

    I don’t know what his problem is. All I knows is that when his attorney serves process on Sasha, I want her to give my true name as “Al Franken”.